In my blog I write about topics based around Productivity, Motivation, Leadership and How to gain control of your life.
I’m teaching and writing, but I’m not claiming that I’m mastering everything in my topics. I’ve failed many times, but when I fail I’ve learned to stop.
It’s time to stop when you recognise something in you that you don’t like – and I don’t mean when you start to go bald or your waistline is expanding.
A few weeks ago I felt probably the lowest I’ve felt ever at work. No particular reason, things just piled up, perhaps it’s the darkness of the winter or the moon being in the clouds. I felt extremely low, desperate even and depressed. I felt tired.
I’d helped other people and not received that much back. I thought that I need to do something right now, otherwise I’ll fall in to very dark state of mind.
Someone said that giving is the way to get more strength and happiness. I don’t fully believe in that, but that is a topic for another blog post.
I contacted a colleague in HR and I told him how I feel. I’ve a very good relationship with the HR person.
Did it help? No, it didn’t, but he said something I already knew. If I confront the things that make me feel bad, I’ve at least tried, and it’s not in my hands.
I wasn’t feeling better, but at least I now had a plan and probably a person who I can tell if the plan works or not.
I’d barely sat down after that discussion, another colleague approached me on a completely different matter. His words were demands towards me, things that I should do and complaints not particularly targeted to me, but complaints anyway.
I felt exhausted already when he entered the room, and I knew it was not going to end well. So, I decided to say distant from the beginning. I can tell you, it was a wrong decision.
I tried to listen. But I was terribly disturbed by his words. He had a bad day, like me, but I wasn’t there to help. I was in my misery.
I stayed quiet and pushed him to say exactly what he wants from me, but he was unable to construct what he wanted. The discussion didn’t go anywhere, and after the discussion, there were two people who felt bad, or worse, two who were not going to discuss the matter anymore.
I was so low, that all thoughts and words that were about to come from my mouth, were insulting towards him or even for me. Luckily, I had The strength to keep them inside, because I didn’t really believe in the words, which I was about to say.
We were both in trouble.
What do you do in that kind of situation? When you are low, and someone starts to push you or make requests.
I can tell you, don’t do what I did. I’m not extremely proud of how it went. I caused someone else to be desperate.
You should always make the connection with the person who is talking to you. If you can’t for any reason, there is no point in letting the conversation continue.
I’m fragile and I’m not afraid to say it. Most people think I’m positive, but you can’t be positive all the time.
I believe positivity is a stronger force than negativity, but positivity doesn’t stay on top by itself. it needs a lot of work, otherwise you fall in to negativity.
It takes energy, energy and energy to keep your positivity, but it eats more energy to stay in negativity. Do you still follow me? 😉
So what I’d do now if I’d get another chance. What would show the best leadership?
I would say ‘I’m not now in the mood for any discussion. I hope you understand. Could you please propose a time and topic for the discussion and I’m glad to discuss with you at a better time.’
You don’t need to always be free or available for everything and for everyone, even if you are a leader.
Take the time, and when you do, give everything you’ve got and listen.
It was a failure of leadership from me.
Our problems were results of bad leadership from our leaders, but also from ourselves. The best leadership is in you. You need to lead your life to the directions and moods you deserve.
When you feel bad or low – STOP. Take a new fresh start.